I have a problem. It’s way more than that. It’s a complete catastrophe.
I can only liken it to filtering water through concrete. Go ahead. Try. I’ll wait.
How did that go? Got a full glass? Half? A drop? I didn’t think so.
For the last month, I’ve been tortured by this blog. Not really by the blog directly. More so with thoughts that don’t pertain to the words already written here. I’ve been writing, and at first it seemed therapeutic. All my thoughts would pour easily on to the page, and I’d have some respite in return. Rather quickly, I realized no one was reading these words, and it lost its appeal. The point of this blog was to expose myself. Reveal part of the mystery. Grow. But I’m not. I’m stuck in an introvert’s self-imposed hell.
I took an informal poll yesterday on Twitter. An overwhelming majority (practically all) of my followers who responded suggested I combine the two worlds I’ve been living in…my running life…and my tortured emotional life. They are linked for me. I use one to escape the other…sometimes quite literally. And on rare occasions…most people call these long runs…I use one to find the other. To dive into myself. Dig deeper holes just to fill them in later. Redefine myself. Develop grand plans for the future.
So here’s the disclaimer: In addition to training updates, race reports, product reviews, and the occasional blurb about my kids, I’m going to post some things that may be hard to hear…or read. Know that I’m posting it as a way to work through it, and NOT as a way to hurt anyone else. This is MY blog, and I have that right. Nothing I say or do is ever in an attempt to injure another…I’m not that kind of person. But if I can’t post about my interactions with the world, I’ll likely implode. And I can’t have that. Not anymore.
Does that mean you can’t trust me? Of course not.
Can’t tell me anything? No way.
I’m an intelligent person.
I respect privacy.
I don’t kiss and tell.
Your secret is safe with me.
You can expect a flurry of blog changes this week. Small at first, but you are about to see a whole new me. I have some huge feats coming up, and although I’ve already been working on the physical side, this place doesn’t reflect that. You are not in the loop. And I want you there. So you can call me on it. In fact, if you don’t see or hear from me on a regular basis, here’s my permission to ask…or push…use brute force if necessary.
Alright. I’m terrified. And that seems like as good a place to start as any.
I have work to do. Who’s ready to run?